the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
