just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
