If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
