Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
