Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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