I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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