Pappa wants mamma naked
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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