I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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