GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
