On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
