he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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