you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
