I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
