she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
soo... how was my night?
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