Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
