I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
she peed on how many people?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
