apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
