Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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