I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
