Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
