My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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