Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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