I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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