After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
