dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
well you can't waste a boner
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
