you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
