First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I believe in your delicious
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize