Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
