One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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