Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize