oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
