I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize