i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
