Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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