this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
