Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
