she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
