i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
