I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
