I just saw a hot homeless man
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
