Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
