it's like iHOP with fire
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You pole danced in your parka.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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