He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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