I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
