I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
