he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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