I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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