I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
