i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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