I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
