hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
