what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
