and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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