I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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