the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
