she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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