girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I want a musical about memes.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
