Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
