I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Shame is for Republicans.
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