the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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