Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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