ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
