Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
