my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
