I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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