Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
