I need help removing her.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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