Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i now understand why vodka
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
