I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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