You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
