that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
