When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
