The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
