let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
