and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
