I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
