somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
