PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
