Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
