who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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