she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
