Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Randomize
