Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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