My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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